take 3 minutes and watch this


i stumbled upon "the chelsea handler" show one day on E! when i was watching reruns of the simple life. this is one crass and hilarious woman.

take a break on this lovely friday before a holiday weekend, and watch her with these old folks. it's really funny.

happy 4th weekend. i'll be here monday, but i'm sure you won't. so enjoy.

the lone star state

my friend leslie sent me this little tidbit this morning and i must say, it's pretty freaking funny. even if you're not from texas, or if you've never been to texas, or if you've never known anyone from texas... it's still pretty darn funny.

i guarantee this 4th of july weekend there will be just as many Texas flags flying as there are American flags. texans are just like that.

Click the link to listen to BudLite's Real Men of Genius: Texas Guy.

holla at ya boys!

this weekend i went on a girls trip to lake tahoe. holy heck, that is one gorgeous place to vacay in the summer time. sunshine, beer, lake... what else do you need? it's a gorgeous place in the winter too, even though i haven't been up in about 2 years. tim always tries to get to me to go ski, but i never feel like it for some reason. i'm always good for a couple hours of skiing, but that's about it. anyway, i digress.

so i headed up on friday around noon with my friend michelle. we work together, and we got a house with her roommate, her roommates 2 friends, and another of michelle's really good friends. i didn't know anyone but michelle, and i was a little skeptical about the whole weekend b/c these are outdoorsy girls and they were talking about going on hikes and stuff. i was like, um, hello, i don't hike. so went into it a little nervous.

we got up to tahoe in about 4 hours. before we even tried to find the house we rented we headed straight to Chambers on the lake to meet up with michelle's friend and a guy she's dating, and we started in on Chambers Punch drinks - a frozen, frothy concoction with a floater of rum on the top. oh yeah, good times. good times on a friday afternoon. great drink, great sunset.

after stopping at the store to pick up beer, wine, and cheetos (just the necessities, folks) we finally found our house, which was extremely difficult because: a) we were drunk; b) it was pitch black and there aren't any street lights; and c) the agent gave us the wrong address. we popped some champagne and opened some wine to keep us going as we got ready to go out. but we didn't make it out. after a dinner of cheetos and brownies we went to bed to rest up for drinking on saturday.

i can't recap the rest of the weekend play-by-play style because that is just boring and this is getting long. there was no hiking, or any other physical activity. there was a lot of sunshine, a lot of drinking beer on the beach, a fantastic cruise on the boat, a competitive round of dice throwing, a lot of jack daniels, a lot of us yelling "HOLLA!!!", and a particularly disturbing hussy mama at a bar we went to on saturday - she was in her late forties with too much collagen and after brushing him off initially, managed to get picked up by one of the sleaziest and aggressive guys in the bar who hit on us first, but we weren't going for it. an hour after he hit on us i captured this: hussy mama with aggressive guy. no, your eyes do not deceive you, that is her ass out there for all to see in the middle of a bar. it was classic.

so holla at ya boys, we're doing the trip again in august. giddy up!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEO!

that's right, it's Leo's birthday today! also known as the anniversary of his "whelping date" as the papers say.

my little pumpkin is 4 years old today! now he's actually older than me if we calculate in dog years. this morning i gave him extra kisses and birthday hugs, as well as an extra large treat when i left the house for work. i'm sure he has no idea what the heck is going on, but i'm sure he likes it. won't he be sad tomorrow when it's back to regular old treats!

i'm debating whether or not i should pull out the party hats tonight and stick a candle in his bowl while we sing happy birthday to him. i'm thinking that might put me into that category of crazy people who treat their pets like children. i'd like to be just this side of that line.

so happy birthday my little munchkin! i don't know what we did before you came along, but we sure love you!

maternal side

so every now and then i make comments (read: jokes) about starting to try to have kids or about wanting to make a baby. like just now, i told my friend megan that i'm going to san diego with tim for a weekend in july. we'd asked them to join us, but i'm not sure if they can or not. so i said "well, that's okay. i guess tim and i will have a romantic weekend getaway to ourselves. maybe we'll make a baby or something." and i was totally kidding.

she didn't think it was funny. after falling off her chair (just like she did back when i told her i had gotten engaged), she didn't hesitate to remind me how much i dislike children.

it got me thinking about how i often have to remind myself that the following reasons are not good reasons to get pregnant:

1) so i don't have to work anymore.
2) so i have an excuse to get fat.
3) so i have an excuse for craving fatty foods - leading to #2 above.
4) so i have an excuse to move back to austin.
5) so i'm not having my first child at 31.
6) so i can register again - i had so much fun doing that for the wedding. i imagine registering for breast pumps and disposable panties is just as much fun.

these probably aren't the best reasons to spread 'em and get knocked up. i'm sure when i'm ready i'll find the right reasons. let's hope so, at least!*


*this post was, for the most part, a big joke. it's true, i tend to shy away from children - primarily those that are screaming and crying with snot running down their faces. i am, however, completely obsessed with my niece Sophie, and i would wipe her snot faster than you can say banana. and do not worry, no child will be harmed when i decide i am ready to have them. so don't paint me as a child-hater. i have a maternal side somewhere in there. it's just in hiding or hibernating for the time being.

shakey shakey

this morning my alarm went off at 5:15am so i could go to the gym. i immediately hit snooze and was laying there half-awake, half-asleep when the room started shaking. literally.

SHAKE! SHAKE! the bed shook twice, and the windows started cracking. i realized what was going on and stuttered "earthquake! it's an earthquake!" as i started throwing off the covers and got one leg out of the bed and onto the floor. i looked next to me expectantly and saw leo and tim just snoozing away.

before i could even get my whole body of bed, the shaking had stopped. i realized that i wouldn't need to further worry about jumping out of bed with only a baby-tee on and hoof it to a doorway. i always worry about being naked when The Big One hits, and i won't have my contacts in or have time to grab my glasses, and when my house is but a mere frame around me and the emergency crews come to rescue me, i'll be standing there almost naked, shoeless, and too blind to see what's going on around me.

so since the shaking had stopped, i was no longer holding my breath. but i was still a little shaken (sorry, i had to). so i repeated my earlier phrase a bit louder in hopes of stirring tim. "earthquake! we just had an earthquake!"

crickets from tim. at least leo opened his eyes and looked at me. even though he was probably thinking "shut UP, lady. we're sleeping here."

so i poked tim. twice. "WE JUST HAD AN EARTHQUAKE!" he mumbled "it's okay" and rolled over away from me, continuing to sleep.

i was baffled. my adrenaline was going and i wasn't sure i could fall back asleep. so i started thinking, well maybe i should just go to the gym. but then i started to worry that if another earthquake hit, i'd be on the treadmill and something really bad could happen with all those floor-to-ceiling mirrors and electronic equipment going. that's not how i want to go down!

i quickly talked myself out of the gym, and surprisingly fell back asleep for another hour and a half. at least i had a legitimate excuse for skipping out on the gym this morning. that's one of the few good things about earthquakes.

hope your world is stable today.

no outlet

ever want to post about something, but you know that a particular person probably drops by and reads your blog every now and then, so you can't write about what is really on your mind?

i'm not experiencing that at all right now. i'm just throwing it out there.

sober now

Note to Self: Do not post while drunk.

That was a really long post too. What a drunk rambler.

I got out of a cavity filling this morning and I'm pumped. I tried to cancel the appt. on Friday but the receptionist made me feel bad, so I kept the appt. Well the Gods must be crazy and watching over me b/c the power wouldn't go on this morning on the dental chairs. So I got a get-out-of-jail-free card. I love that on a Monday morning!

I needed that after the gloomy weekend we had here. It was 55 degrees and cloudy. I didn't even get out of my PJ's yesterday. It was the first weekend I had been in town in a long time, so I wanted to milk it for all it was worth. I watched Style network all day on weddings gone bad, then turned over to We for Bridezillas, then onto E! for the Simple Life. It was a lazy, lazy day.

Okay now I've got to work. And get some coffee stat.

hola, coma estas? ciao, ciao!

hi! i'm not MIA. i promise!

i know i haven't posted in a week, and frankly it's because work has been a total biatch this week. and it's not that i haven't thought of posting, or haven't been reading your blogs.

okay that's a lie. i only read tinapopo and madethel. sorry others. ethel, i'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother - i tried to comment, but blogger was down last night when i finally read your post. i'm sorry! and popo, i have nothing to say to your posts, b/c frankly, right now i'm drunk and i just can't remember what you talked about.

that about brings us to the present. i've had a hell of a week, and i've been looking forward to friday each and every day. and i've been out with a co-worker since 8pm drinking, but departed the bar at about midnight. and here i am on friday night at 12:30am, sitting here watching a rerun of "Fawlty Towers" from 1975 and i'm blogging. what's wrong with this picture?

so timmy just walked in the door from seeing MI-3 with a friend (which i refused to see b/c of the whole TomKat thing) and he's wondering: a) if i had a good time at the bar tonight with my friend Michelle; and b) why i'm blogging drunk; and c) why i'm watching the BBC at 12:30am. well - DUH - the BBC is awesome, and DUH - i'm drunk, and DUH i had a great time tonight. and DUH, nobody cares, b/b this doesn't make sense to anyone but me right now, b/c i'm the one who's drunk.

so since this isn't making sense, even though i thought for SURE i could be clever and funny while drunk... i will sign off. timmy and i will head up to Sonoma or Napa tomorrow and enjoy a sunny day in the wine country... with WINE of course, which makes anything enjoyable.

happy weekend folks. ciao, bella! (that farewell totally indicates that i am drunk.)