carve your own pumpkin

this is as into halloween as i'm getting this year.

happy carving!

Carve Your Pumpkin Here

A for Effort

i am not a halloween person. i know this. it is now confirmed more than ever.

it's down to the wire last friday, i have no halloween costume. we're going to a party saturday night called "The League of Justice Unites". yeah, that would be super heroes.

friday after work i'm at the halloween super store with the rest of san francisco looking for a costume. no super heroes anywhere. wait, that's a lie. i could be a size XL bat-girl, or i could be a child size 7-8 power ranger - the blue one. on to the next store.

i meet tim at another store and he already has a sumo suit in his hand. i said "honey, you're getting martial arts and super powers confused." he says he doesn't care - he's being a sumo wrestler. okay. meanwhile, i attempt to squeeze into a boys medium teenage mutant ninja turtle costume. it's not a pretty sight, believe me.

saturday morning i drive 20 minutes to the burbs to hit target. it's slim pickins here too. at least i find a cape for tim - this way he is Super Sumo, which kind of qualifies him for the league of justice.

i decide at this point, i'm going to be the super hero to so many little girls out there... miss britney spears. i grab cheapo fake uggs, a peasant skirt, and tacky jewelry from target, and head home to make my prego belly. i have to admit, i looked nothing like britney when we walked out the door. must have done something right though b/c every single girl at the party came up to me and said "oh my God, you're britney! too funny!" thanks.

post party, tim and i jump in a cab to head to some club with everyone else. we don't have tickets so we get in line with the general schmucky public, and find out they aren't even going to sell tickets for an hour. we're sobering up and not having fun. so we give ourselves props for a valiant effort at going out for halloween, and hop in a cab. we hit blockbuster on the way home and promptly fall asleep when the movie starts.

like i said, we get an A for effort at least. and the confirmation that we are not halloween people!

Super Sumo & Britney Spears (sans Starbucks cup and cigarette)

friday happy hour

thanks, gangmaster jones. cheers!


Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

post-concert ramblings

i went to this concert last night, and it really was fun. i stumbled across the band listening to Launch at work (this was pre-iPod obsession). they're an east coast/midwest band, so i'd never seen them live. but i was really excited when i heard they were coming to SF, so i got tickets.

tim and i get to the show and grab a couple of beers and sit down to people watch during the opening band. we quickly figured out that we were definitely older than the general population at the show, by about 5-6 years. and i also learned that this fact made me very bitter and caused me to do some strange things, that made me feel strangely better about this fact that i am "old."

first thing we notice is that it's a very college crowd. this makes me bitter b/c i wish i were still in college. we saw some new fashions i didn't know were in - is the whole long-sleeve shirt under a short-sleeve shirt a college thing? every damn guy at the show was wearing that. i never see that in SF - i only see fashionable gay guys in tight wovens and expensive jeans. then we saw a guy who tucked his sweatshirt into the back pocket of his jeans. huh? saw a bunch of abercrombie stuff - these are high school kids, i'm assuming. they kept eyeing my beer, which made me feel kind of uncomfortable. i just shot back a look that said "quit dreaming loser, i'm not buying you kids alcohol."

i went to the bathroom and it looked oddly like my grade school bathroom - short stalls and toilets close to the ground. this made it easy to squat, but i diverge. in my stall i see a ticket lying on the ground, and i think "uh oh, somebody's going to need that" b/c they check tickets at the doors. i hear two girls come in saying "are you sure you left it in here?" and "i know where i left it - on the toilet paper holder!" i think "well i'll be helpful" so i grab it (as i squat) and shove it under the bottom of the door and say "is this it?" no answer. i then realize the girls are already in other stalls... and that they are drunk. "i'm soooooooo glad you talked me into coming! we're going to have so much FUCKING FUN tonight! i'm sooooo glad i (get ready...) skipped school for this."
reality check. huh? skipped school? how old are these kids?
i then get bitter and decide that if these drunk bitches lost their ticket, they deserve to hunt for it, not have it offered up by nice and kind-of-sober me. i toss the ticket on the ground in a wet spot and shove it with my boot halfway under the trash can. heh heh, that makes me feel good. happy hunting, bitches.

i go back out to tim who is waiting with a bud light for me. i'm feeling much better after my act of hate and say "let's go in!" it's standing room only and i want to get near the front. i run into this guy i work with (he's 1 year out of college - a little baby). i say hi and talk to him for a bit. i jokingly mention that we feel old, and he told me i'm definitely older than most people there. thanks. he then points out that the "senior citizens" section is over there, and we should stand there. asshole. wait til he's old and 26. we don't stand near him, needless to say.

have you ever watched tv show and every 20 seconds the picture goes out on you? this is what happens to me while watching the concert b/c some bitch standing in front of me is flirting with, none other than, sweatshirt-in-my-pocket guy. just when i can see the stage she leans over to talk to sweatshirt boy and laugh and toss her hair - and block my view. every 20 seconds. i'm getting irate by moving left and right and left and right just to see. i demand more beer from tim. it sucks being 5' 2". okay, i'm only 5' 1" but whatever.

i'm totally that girl who went to the show just waiting to hear my 2 favorite songs. during the songs i didn't know i was thinking "okay, this is great. get it over with. what's next?" at one point when this happened i went to the bathroom. in the stall next to me i hear this "spfhfhhh. tsfuuuuughhhhh. *cough* spfhhhhh." i lean down and look under and see a girl totally sprawled on the floor hugging the toilet. i laugh and get satisfaction knowing this young girl is getting germs and fecal matter all over her body right now. what is wrong with me?!?

smidge of karma, but not too much. before i left for the show megan told me "wear your sneakers!" but these are not attractive so i opted for some comfortable, not totally stylish, but not too unattractive boots. i didn't notice they were hurting my feet during the songs i knew and liked. but during those random songs, man alive! i was shifting back and forth trying to ease the pain. it wasn't too bad though, so i will accept this is what i get for thinking bad thoughts about young, drunk girls.

all in all we had a great time. i love that i'm at work today with a humongo "OVER 21" stamp on my hand. i tried my damnedest to get it off, but it wouldn't budge. i can't help but feel kind of cool though - like "ha! see, i may be 26 and married, but i can still party on a weeknight!" i'm sure other people around here just think i'm dirty and can't shower. but i know the truth - i'm a rockstar! albeit an old rockstar.

HNT

my hand in beautiful Hook 'Em Horn form at the Rose Bowl on new years day last year when we beat Michigan. we'll be there again in a couple of months, just you wait and see. hopefully my dad will be generous and give me his tickets so i can be there again.

sexier HNT's to come in the future... just wait til i'll get my hands on the camera this weekend.

nifty swifty

my friend in london sent me this. some artist (you have to say "art-eest" when you read that) made san francisco out of jello. why you would want to do that is beyond me. unless they're all made with vodka and she wanted to have a massive jello shot party.

what's scary is that when the next big earthquake hits, san francisco will shake as if it were made of jello. i hope i'm not here for that.


Check out more jello shots (pun intended)

no playa para me

or my sister, or my mom.

so my sister is about 5 1/2 months pregnant with her first child, and i think she's just getting used to this fact. about a month ago she had a realization and emailed me saying "i need to get to a beach pronto before i pop out this kid!" okay, twist my arm - i love a good excuse for a vacation. especially one to a beach!

my mom hopped onboard too and we started planning. after about 80 hours of talking to a travel agent we were booked and ready to go to Playa del Carmen on the yucatan. now, i'm not a big fan of mexico, but whatever... they have a beach, they have a fantastic pool, and they have all you can drink for the 5 days we were going to be there. i was so looking forward to it, you can't even imagine! we were supposed to leave in 2 weeks.

enter wilma. she had to come in and throw her weight around and ruin our vacation. granted, many people have it much worse than us. we could have been tourists stuck there during the hurricane, or we could be residents that have to deal with this devastation first-hand. but we're not, so it's our right to bitch about the fact that our vacation has been cancelled. damn wilma!

if this is the town, i'd hate to see the resort on the beach where we were going to stay.

TGI Tuesday

because i totally have a case of the mondays.

we had such a fantastic weekend in austin, and i'm totally coming down from my 4 1/2 day vacation high. i kept tearing up yesterday because i didn't want to get on the plane to return to CA. i think the PMS played a part in that, but poor tim wasn't having fun dealing with it. but it was the day after our anniversary, so i didn't need to be extra nice to him anymore.

thanks to everyone for your kind words on our anniversary! we had a great time celebrating with my family and friends. i just got word today that a friend who married a year and a half ago just finalized her divorce. makes me appreciate my marriage that much more and realize what a feat it is these days to even make it a year. so sad, but true.

back to the daily grind. pardon my lack of posting, but i've been reading up on the blogs i've missed since last thursday. those gals are keeping me laughing and very pre-occupied! hope to post pictures soon from our weekend. and in case you're wondering, i DID put on my wedding dress sunday night!

happy anniversary!

well babe, we've made it a year! i can't believe it was a whole year ago that we got married. the best day of my life - partly because it was "all about me", but mostly because i married such a fantastic hottie! let me recap the day for you, in case you don't remember.

it stormed pretty bad the night before our wedding, but i slept like a baby b/c i love storms. my sister had stayed the night with me b/c i'm a dork and wanted her to sleep with me on my last night as a single woman. we also had my mom's poodle sleep with us. when we woke up we were laying there talking, saying " i can't believe i'm getting married today!" etc. the dog was really excited we were up, and in the midst of me petting him and saying "good morning dukey" he latched onto my arm and started humping me. yes, i was humped on the morning of my wedding. if that isn't romantic, i don't know what is.

the rest of the morning entails hair and makeup people coming to the house and getting us all gussied up. i'm feeling good, not nervous at all. all my friends are coming over and getting ready, and i'm just so happy to be with everyone because i don't get to see my girls all the time anymore. there's really no drama or wedding day disasters. it's boring for the blog, but really good for a wedding day. the only taboo thing we did was pop some bottles of champagne. tim had said "no drinking before the wedding" - it would be like drinking in church and he didn't want me to smell like alcohol while we were saying our vows. a) we didn't get married in a church; b) it was just a few sips of champagne - not shots of tequila! not yet, at least.

tim and i had decided to see each other before the wedding, but in a private moment at our house. i couldn't bear the thought of everyone watching us see each other for the first time that day when i walked down the aisle, so i wanted it to be just between the two of us - and the photographer. so we scheduled all the photos before the wedding in order to enjoy the cocktail hour. that was the best thing we did.

after boatloads of pictures, we went the whole 2 minutes from my parents house to the country club. the girls went into our bridal suite, and the guys went somewhere, i don't know where - probably the bar. i started to get really nervous then, but then my coordinator was coming for us and it was showtime. the ceremony happened, we said our i-do's... i don't remember any of it - thank goodness for the videographer!

we followed the bagpipes up from the ceremony to cocktail hour around the pool. i don't remember much of this either, lots of "hi! how are you? thanks for coming! thanks, i know i look fantastic!" tim and i went and had our private dinner together before we graced everyone with our presence on the dance floor with our first dance to "signed, sealed, delivered." i then danced with my dad to "my girl", and next we were cutting the cake. there was a very strict schedule, and once all the pageantry was over, i had a drink in my hand and started having fun!

i actually didn't see tim very much that night. he retreated to the patio with his groomsmen and cigars. i did shots with my bridesmaids and took over the dance floor. we had a kick-ass band, and i took full advantage of dancing to every song they sang (and every so often sitting down on the dance floor during their breaks b/c i was "so tired" and my dress was "so heavy"). i think i had more fun than any bride has ever had at a wedding. if not that, then i at least take home the prize for "drunkest bride ever". i would say that i disappointed my father with my behavior, but he fell down the stairs leaving the reception because of a tad too much Jack Daniels.

all too soon the band was packing up and my wedding coordinator was saying "it's time to get you out of here." my friend megan took me into the bathroom to unhook the buttons on my gown. in a drunken stupor i said "megan, this is the best wedding i've ever had!" mind you, it's also my first. no grand exit from us, for some reason we were secretly escorted out and poured into a golf cart that whisked us away to our suite. everyone left at the reception had no idea where we went, and wondered why my dad wasn't keeping the bars open until 2am for them. tim carried me over the threshold into our room, but that's a little gray, as well as what ensued after. i woke up the next day and moaned "advil!!!"

we're heading to austin today for the weekend to celebrate the glorious 1 year anniversary on 10/23. i'm bound and determined to put on my wedding dress and relive the night. my family will think i'm nuts, but they pretty much already believe that anyway, so who cares! here's to you and me, timmy - i still love you!

happy HNT

like some of my favorite bloggers out there, i haven't had much time to post lately. this is causing serious anxiety and twitching on my part. the lack of posting is due to my newfound addiction to pain pills. see HNT picture below.



just kidding - this is from when i got my wisdom teeth out. i promise i'm not addicted. at least not to pain pills...

listen up

this little kid is cracking me up tonight. i'm just watching him over, and over, and over.

he's so dead serious too - i think that's what makes it so much funnier.

click picture to watch clip.

happy birthday!

happy happy birthday to megan and my dad!

okay, so i'm 2 days late. whatever, you get air time on my blog, so be happy.

hope you both had a great one!

i'm only stupid logically

thanksfor this, lulu. i'm going to start studying some logic out of my husband's GMAT prep books. i hate being below average!

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

i'm a walking ad for tylenol cold

so not only have i been battling the infection in my throat since tuesday night, but yesterday i managed to come down with a cold too. seriously people! what the hell is going on? i managed to wake up every hour during the night last night coughing and blowing my nose. then this morning leo started sneezing. there's no way i could have gotten him sick, is there?

i haven't posted today because i've been too busy blowing my nose. that and coming up with fake words for tinapopo's tertiubonitation. i just had to go to her site to copy and paste that in there b/c there's no way i was remembering that while on cold medicine.

happy friday peeps. drink for me this weekend since i can't.

happy HNT

although the picture of my throat in the last post could technically count for HNT, i decided on another.

my nekkid hands, wrapped around a glass of chianti in rome this past june. wish i were there now!

i'm sick

thus the lack of posting today. my tonsils are swelling and it hurts to swallow.

but this is okay - why is it okay? well, let me tell you.

1) got to leave work at 1:30pm to go to the doctor.
2) didn't have to go back to work.
3) got to buy $30 of needless crap at Walgreen's while waiting on my prescription to be filled. needless crap includes luna bar, emergen-c packets (you get 50 in a box...?), card for a friend, and big box of Dots.
4) get to sit on the couch from 3:30pm onward.
5) get to catch up on everyone's blogs.
6) get to blog.
7) get to watch "win a date with tad hamilton". man, josh duhammel is hot!
8) will be home for laguna beach reruns at 6:00.

it's like i'm on a mini-vacation!

houston, we have lift-off

okay i promise this will be the last post about my dog... at least for a while.

remember the potty pad? how could you not, i throw it in your faces all the time?

this morning as leo and i went out the back door to go potty, we passed by his potty pad. i started to mutter something about "i can't believe you never use your potty pad..." and lo and behold... there is a piece of POOP in the grass! this means he used it yesterday during the day while we were gone!

i would have taken a picture for the blog, but that's kind of gross. anyway, i cannot say how excited i was about this! i called tim immediately to brag about our little honor student. and i told everyone at work about it. yep, i'm that mom.

i need, i need, i need!

another courtesy of tinapopo

Go to Google. Type in "(your name) needs" Remember to us the quotes. Look at the 5 websites that say you need something. (Use different websites)

What are the 5 things you need?

1) BRITTANYS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE. LIKE ALL DOGS, Brittanys need food and regular veterinary care, including routine checkups and vaccinations. (this is actually true, regular checkups are good for me.)

2) "anyone else think brittany needs to eat a sandwich?
"once a week is all we're asking.
that whole "heroin chic" slash "auschwitz" thing is so played out.
i mean reaaly."
(i love this! i'm too skinny!)

3) "I could tell you what brittany needs to eat...
...but that'd be crude."
(following previous post - wow.)

4) Brittany needs a loving and nurturing adoptive two parent or single parent family.
(this was actually sad - it's a 13 year old that needs to be adopted in Tennessee.)

5) Brittany needs a friend right now and her and JT are best friends.
(take THAT all you people who thought you were my best friends. Brittany only gots room for the JT!)

google it

Via TinaPoPo...
Tagged by Tex-Ass

Directions:
Go to Google and click on the images link. Type in the following and post the first (or your favorite) picture the search engine finds.
- The name of the town where you grew up
- The name of the town where you live now
- Your name
- Your Grandmother’s name (pick one)
- Your favorite food
- Your favorite drink
- Your favorite song
- Your favorite smell


Austin, TX


San Francisco - that's a lot of concrete!


My Name - no this is not me. But pretty appropriate.



Grandmother's Name - Dolores


Arriba arriba! Tex Mex!


Mmmm, love Margaritas. Go hand in hand with above.


"Fix You" by Coldplay. Loving it right now!


Love the smell of fresh laundry!

leo goes to kindergarten

last night tim and i were sitting in the kitchen eating dinner. leo, who is normally at our sides at all times, decides he doesn't want to sit next to us while we eat. i'm not super surprised, as he's sort of been giving us the cold shoulder since i took him to the groomer on saturday.

so we're sitting there talking and all of a sudden we hear this THWOMP! we both look at each other like "what was that?" we turn around and i'll be damned if leo has not gone out his doggy door!

you may think this is normal, because dogs go through doggy doors. not leo. he only uses it when we go out the regular door and close it on him, leaving him no choice but to use his little door if he wants to join us (tough love). needless to say the hopes of him using his potty pad during the day are gone.

anyway, so he's outside on his own. and tim and i are just staring through the glass door with wide eyes, like "is he really out there on his own? and he's walking away from us, not trying to come back inside!" he jumps into the flower bed and disappears. a little while later he reappears, sniffs and looks around, then goes back in from another spot. he reappears again, and then jumps back in somewhere else. he explores every inch - we think. it was dark and he was out of sight for a while, so this is our story.

eventually he comes out and goes over to the potty pad and jumps on it. praise jesus! we think he's going to use it! i think i actually squealed with delight. but nope, he just used it as a step to jump back into the flower bed.

he was out there for a good 5 minutes or so on his own, just exploring. then he came back in when he was done - THWOMP! i was kind of sad that he didn't need to be attached to me all night. i feel like a mom who has just sent her kid off to school for the first time. my little pumpkin is all grown up!

giddy up horns!

sadly, i was not in dallas this year for the TX/OU game. but hook 'em horns, you boys killed the sooners!

although i desperately missed eating a fletcher's corny dog (or 4 of them), and missed getting schnockered up with my pals, i did not miss having to be in the same vicinity as the wretched boomer sooners. but since this is the first time we've won in 5 years, that might have been fun.

at least i got to watch part of the game on tv. that is until ABC decided to cut the game off in the 3rd quarter for a more exciting one? didn't know michigan vs. minnesota was exciting.

thanks to my friends who called me from the game! stanks, how was it going to the game sober? i cannot imagine OU weekend without alcohol. silly girl, all knocked up.

i'm definitely looking forward to next weekend when we kick the ass of my husband's alma mater, CU. boo buffs. hook em horns!

happy freaking anniversary at the hell hole

today is my 3 year anniversary at work. i have been there for 3 years... i never thought i'd see it! it hasn't all been bad, just the past year or so because i work for some total nazis and i won't go into the details because i've done it again and again and again.

at least the HR department is on top of things like this. i have received a card with a big 3 on it, and a little battery looking thing that has a 3 on it with the name of the company. they give these out for your 1 yr & 3 yr, then for the big 5 you get a metal 5 to set on your desk. retarded. but i didn't get anything for my 1 yr, and i never thought i'd see the 3 yr, so i guess i'm excited?

anyway, i'm going to take advantage of this day and celebrate... by leaving early. let's say around 3:00ish. yep, that's my goal.

guess i'd better get my ass out of the house and get to work so i can leave early.

Tag Team... back again

anyone remember that song? that's the only part i can remember, and i can't remember who it was. "tag team, back again..." ???

Tagged by RitMeyer

1. How old were you when you found out Santa was not a jolly man, but your Mom and Dad?
Oh I was totally older than I should have been! We were going to Vail for Christmas and my mom had to tell me ahead of time so I wouldn't wonder why Santa didn't come to our condo in Vail. I don't get it - we were rich enough to have a condo in Vail, but no Christmas presents?

2. Who was the first celebrity's poster you had hanging on your wall?
My mom didn't let me hang stuff on the walls - mess up the paint. Therefore I had to thumbtack things up in my closet on the built-in cabinets. My first was Eddie Vedder - yes, I was sooooo obsessed with Pearl Jam. And yes, I was totally preppy. These two shouldn't have gone together.

3. How many times have you heard the phrase, "Please step out of the car Ma' am/Sir."
Only once. It totally sucked too. I would have cried but I was too scared.

4. What is the lamest reason for breaking up with someone you have ever gave or received?
In 4th grade I got a note from Winston asking if I would go with him and he gave me a super size bag of Skittles. Not the super size you get at a convenience store - I'm talking super size from the grocery store candy aisle that could fill 30 trick or treat bags. I said sure, but we never spoke. Someone made fun of me for going with him because he was chinese, so the next day I told him I couldn't go with him anymore because he was chinese. Guess we weren't so PC back then!

5. What is the dumbest lie you ever told your parents to get out of something?
I don't really know this one. By the time I got caught doing something it was pretty much over for me. I lied to cover up things I was doing beforehand, but not really after. I was bad at getting busted.

6. Paper or Plastic?
Plastic - I need the bags to pick up Leo's poop.

7. What did you want to be when you grew up when you were little (under 10)?
A teacher. I was one of 80 million kids who wanted to be a teacher. As I grew up though, I realized I hate kids and couldn't be paid enough to be around them all day everyday.

8. What do you want to be when you grow up now?
A housewife that does charity work and lunches with her friends. Lunches with wine, I should add.

9. What kind and color of underwear do you have on right now?
Full-on panties in white. Wow, how boring. But they're smooth and silky from Victoria's Secret, not just Hanes. Does that help my sexiness???

10. What CD are you ashamed to admit you own and listen to?
Hmmm... the Chicago soundtrack?

11. Who would you sleep with if you had the opportunity to?
I agree with Rit - I'd do Dave Matthews in 2 shakes of a lamb's tail. Him and Nick Lachey. Now that he's on the market I might have my chance.

12. Finish this sentence and say what movie this is from. The FBI is going to pay me to ______?
I didn't know this either. And I already read BabyJewels and TinaPopo's responses! I'm so lame. At least I know the movie though. Keanu and Swayze at their finest.

13. Are you a lame asshole who lied on the above question?
I could never be a lame asshole. An asshole, yes. But lame, no.

14. Why did you come to the blog that tagged you?
Because I check it multiple times everyday. She cracks me up.

15. What is your biggest fear?
Mine is water related too - eaten by sharks or drowning from an airplane crash into the ocean. Or getting eaten by sharks from an airplane crash into the ocean. They coincide. My blood pressure just went up...

16. Do you watch reality television and why/why not?
Yes, because I think it's so much better than scripted stuff. I love seeing people embarass themselves.

17. Have you ever slept with someone and wondered why the hell you did that?
I'm sure when I unexpectedly get pregnant I'll wonder why I slept with my husband that particular time!

18. What is your biggest regret?
Probably that I didn't stay single long enough when I moved to SF. I grew a lot (not physically, bitches) in the first couple of years out here. I feel bad that I put my boyfriend (now husband) through all those growing pains. I should have done it myself, then latched onto him!

19. How old where you and what happened the first time you got drunk?
I think I was a sophomore or maybe freshman. It was beginning of summer and we went to a party out at the lake. I think I had a Solo red cup of beer. I started acting drunk, whether I really was or not will never be known.

20. Which would you rather be, the hammer or the nail?
The hammer - feels much better to let out your frustrations and aggression being a hammer.

21. What is your favorite curse word?
I'm still on cocksucker. Although I love to say "well for fuck's sake!"

22. If there was one thing you could ask your parents, but never had the guts, what would that be?
I pretty much ask my mom anything. Anything I don't have the guts to ask my dad, I just go to my mom for that info too.

23. What are 3 things that make you go Hummm?
1. Why the weekends aren't 5 days and work weeks 2 days?
2. When Leo managed to lay the poopoo I found in the dining room yesterday.
3. The majority of the idiots I work with.

24. Real or fake boobies?
In response to Rit, it's actually the silicone you have to worry about leaking, not the saline.

25. Do you like being tagged by people?
Absolutely! Any time, any day.

I'd tag more people, but I won't. Well, okay, here Tex-Ass. Consider your tagged again for the 2nd time in 2 days.

what the f*#&%???

i thank my sister in-law for this link from AOL.

Tom & Katie Expecting a Baby

CREDIT: TABLOID CITY

Tom Cruise's fiancée, Katie Holmes, is pregnant with the couple's child, Cruise's spokesperson, Lee Anne DeVette, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

"Tom and Katie are very excited, and the entire family is very excited," says DeVette.

Cruise, who has two children, Connor, 10, and Isabella, 12, with ex-wife Nicole Kidman, began dating Holmes in mid-April. He proposed to her atop the Eiffel Tower in Paris in June. DeVette says there is no wedding date set.

DeVette would not comment on the baby's gender or say how far along the pregnancy is. The rep did say that Holmes, 26, "has never felt better."

Cruise, 43, is currently shooting Mission: Impossible 3 in Los Angeles.

This is BIZARRO! Crazy McNutso is actually breeding and spawning a life with his own DNA? Watch out world!

the end of all ends

via some email chain from my friend Leslie... UPDATED - found the source

"The image at right probably won't be on the newsstands until 10 A.M. or so, but we don't see why you should wait for the news: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, America's Newlyweds, have called it quits. For those of you so self-loathing as to closely follow these things, you'll recall that in May, E! online reported that the couple had filed for divorce, only to mysteriously retract the story an hour later. But you knew, right then, that this was coming, didn't you?

The couple is waiting to make an official announcement later in the month (at the appropriate career opportunity, we're sure), but according to Us Weekly's scoop - kept so under wraps that employees were not allowed to receive their advance issues yesterday, presumably for fear that People might rape and pillage the story - the marriage has been dead for some time. Well, duh.

The article has a laundry list of contributions to the break-up (mostly blamed on Jessica), including creepy-dad Joe Simpson, Jessica's "diva" behavior, and her fondness for whiskey on the rocks. One of those ubiquitous sources close to the couple says, "Jessica's the problem. She's not the girl America fell in love with anymore." Oh, young America, were you ever really in love with her? Or were you just lusting? C'mon, be honest.

And now, a moment of silence, please, so that we might hear the sound of every magazine editor in town simultaneously shitting themselves."

laguna, how i love thee

so i watched all 3 episodes that aired last night - Cabo, Kristin in San Fran, and Don't Hate the Game. and here are my takeaways.

1) when did alex m. and jessica become friends? i mean, just 2 weeks ago (Cabo) alex is forcing jessica to say "i'm a slut" and ruining her senior spring break. but now they're hanging out together in san diego talking about boy crushes? i don't get it. once again, too much information left out - yo no comprende.

2) did anyone else notice that kristin and alex h. were the only ones drunk at their Fiesta? what was with alex's little dance with the stick saying "pinata!!!" wow, drunk. i guess they were drunk enough to not realize that nobody else wanted to be there. and how about that heart-to-heart with kristin and jess? all about still having feeeeelings for stephen and jason, but not wanting them. yeah, i totally know what you mean! love yoooooooouuuuu!!!!! drunkards!

3) cutie little jeff, jess's crush and kristin's makeout partner for 2 minutes at the fiesta - he looks like he's 10. and i think he's gay. remember the part where alex h. has the camera and takes a picture of the 3 of them: her, jessica and jeff? he's totally making kissy faces at the camera. total flamer.

4) tinapopo is right - jessica's trash-talking of kristin with taylor and alex m. is totally going to bite her in the ass. i can just hear her trying to defend herself, whiny whiny whiny. her whininess is at an all time high too. when she's sitting there with taylor and alex and they say "jeff totally likes you. all his friends say he likes you, he just won't admit" and jessica goes "reeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy?????? you think so??????" ugh! fingernails on the fucking chalkboard! i used to like jessica b/c she looks like one of my best friends. but seriously, she's gone and turned me off.

5) i'm afraid my post about seeing stephen in san francisco was wrong. i am heartbroken! he's moving back to so-cal?!? damn! oh, and that place where LC was doing her trunk show - in my neighborhood!! they showed the front of the shop "The Grocery Store" right after they shot the gates of chinatown. these 2 places are no where even close to being near each other. stupid tv makes everyone think san francisco is just one big china town with people getting around on trolley cars. it's not - LC was in a very posh little neighborhood. i can't believe i wasn't shopping on that street when they were here! damn, another missed opportunity to befriend the cast and get them to take me down to laguna to be on the show!

6) at the very end when jessica and jeff are walking down the beach, she says something about "i told you i would try it! you didn't think i would, but i did." i'm assuming she's talking about the fake surf wave. she totally must have eaten shit and begged them not to air it. why else wouldn't they have shown it? i would pay to see jess's big boobs wipe out on that puppy!

today i should be getting disc 2 of season 1 in my mailbox. i plan on watching all 4 episodes tonight. ".... let the rain fall down....and wake my dreams..."

i heart laguna beach

so i spent all saturday afternoon watching the first disc of Laguna Beach: Season 1. literally, i hit "Play All" and didn't stop until it was over. and after 6 episodes, i'm sad to say that i wished i had disc 2. but it doesn't come in the netflix mail until today.

the whole time i was watching it on the big screen in the living room, and my husband was trying to study for the GMAT in the adjoining study. he wasn't totally pleased to hear "...perrrrfeeeeect.... didn't feel so perrrfeeeect..." every 20 minutes from hilary's mouth. God i love laguna!

anyway, after all that couch time watching laguna, i had to run some errands. i was looking for a store in a part of town i don't travel to much. so i'm on a street i don't think i've ever driven down, i'm looking around and realize i'm in the university area. and i start thinking, of course, of Stephen.

and i'm like hmmm, wonder if he's still in SF? wonder where he hangs out? wonder what he's doing? as i'm thinking these creepy and super intelligent thoughts, i pass a side street and see this white pickup truck with a guy standing in the back of it loading a surfboard in or something. now, i had just watched the episode where stephen took kristin to teach her to surf, so the visions of surfboards in a white pickup truck were fresh in mind.

i do a double take as i'm passing the street and i'm like "wow! could it be???...." and then i look back in front of me, since i'm driving, and SCREEEECH! totally have to slam on my brakes because i am about 2 inches from rear-ending the car in front of me. my heart was pounding so fast because seriously, that was close. i was thinking to myself, what would i tell my husband? "i got in a wreck because i thought i saw stephen"??? ... something tells me that wouldn't exactly fly!

laguna tonight, my friends - happy watching!

Tag - You're It!

Tagged by RitMeyer

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I'm already hotter than 50% of the people who go to the Safeway I shop at. There are 2 camps of people who shop there. Camp #1: People straight from the 24-Hour Fitness across the street. Sweaty, stinky, nasty. I'm hotter than these people. Except when I'm amongst them. Camp #2: Young, 20-30-something singles who go to Safeway on Wednesday night - this is Singles night at the Safeway. I never participated, but considering the occasion, I'm guessing I'm not hotter than them.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
No, I just steal all the pictures I post. Unless they are of my dog or my husband. Then I photoshop his crotch. My husband's, not my dog's.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Well, though random commenting from people who aren't funny are a waste of time, I still love that people read me. So I guess it's okay.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Not enough.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
Not enough.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
I agree with Rit - that's a fantastic idea!

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Not currently. I don't need it. I'm perfecto!

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I don't have mean readers. I have had spammers and I cussed them out via another comment. And I wouldn't fake nice comments - that would be too lame. Even for me.

9.Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
Wow, that is a disgusting question. I don't tend to rub any out while on the computer.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Judging by my readers, I'd just give them a bunch of free cocktails and they would love me for life.

11. Do you have a job?
Yeah, but the majority of my blogging these days revolves around how much I hate my job. I just can't give up the paycheck though. Not yet...

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Do you even have to ask that question? See above.

13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
I'd say just about everyone I read or link to. TinaPoPo, I'm headed to PA for Thanksgiving... watch out. Oh, but I wouldn't want to meet that guy who hates horses so much. I think he might be a freakshow, and I don't link to him or read him, so that's out.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?
A-none. B-none. I use blogging as a source of entertainment and to pass the time, not to get off. Sorry kids.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I think I act like I have the amount of money I have. Sometimes I really love to splurge, and sometimes I really love to save.

16. Does your family read your blog?
I don't know. I think my husband used to, and I know my sister and brother-in-law have seen it. I don't think I entertained them enough to keep them coming back for more.

17. How old is your blog?
Almost 3 months. Soon I'll be into the 3-6 mo. size clothes.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No, but I probably contribute tons to all of yall's hit counters. Especially the reloading of pages to see if you've posted yet. BabyJewels, I know you do it too!

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Nope, it's all right here in the open.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Do people do that? That's loco en la cabeza!

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
I haven't taken the time to set up the AdSense yet. But I'm sure I will because I'm a good girl.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
Wouldn't you like to know?

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Not really, but I hate to think that if I don't post you people will quit coming to see me!

24. Do you like John Mayer?
Yes, definitely. Moreso a few years ago. He's one of those guys who is sexy just b/c he has a great voice, but if you really look at him, he's kind of funny lookin'.

25. Do you have enemies?
I have nemisises. Is the plural of nemesis, nemi? No, it's nemeses. I just looked it up. Yep, I'm a dork.

26. Are you lonely?
No. I'm married and have a dog. What else could I need??? (You, bloggers!)

27. Why bother?
That's what I said Saturday night when I didn't want to go out. That was before I had 5 vodka cranberry somethings and danced my ass off. Why bother, indeed!

I tag Tex-Ass, Used Hack, and TotemPoleZoe.